For the first time in 5 weeks I cant sleep. One of those restless nights ive spent 2 hours tossing and turning. Hot then cold. Laid on my right, the left, my front, back and various other shapes and positions to try and find that confort spot.
Yep, I even tried turning my pillow over, only sleeping on one to none and back to one again.
The crickets and the gecko noises seem to be even louder tonight or maybe its just me!
Is this my anxiety?
What’s on my mind? Im not sure… is there something worrying me? Im not sure? Why do I feel like this today? Im not sure? What do I feel like? Im not quiet sure of that either…
Maybe I have things on my mind… maybe its because im away at the moment and people back home wont leave me alone!!!! Like im here because im not very well and they still want to off load all their shitty energy and problems on to me! Not everyone, just a majority. Some may think im being funny with them but im not im ignoring you because all you are saying is negative and I will not give that my energy!
However the texts they send etc are still imprinted in my mind and annoys me as im sure ive given them advice on the subject a million times so why the hell should I keep listening to it? Who do I get to offload too? Why should I off load someone elses bad energy on to someone else! Sod that!
Im not a fixer I can just about try and fix myself… some are just so selfish or have that victim mentality ‘oh my lifes so shit (yet they have so much), oh my boyfriend cheats on me but i love him’ or im a drug addict because my grandad died’…well you get the picture… im sick and tired of it all…. one of the reasons I came away in the first place… yet they love to ask when are you coming back!!? Really, why? Not oh I hope your having an amazing time etc etc NOooo when are you coming back!? They ask…I dont know why that question infuriates me haha but it does…
Sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves to be perfect. Strive for perfection and nothing we do is never just…